Married women with Children.

I consider my wife to be above average intelligence but ever since she had children (we have two) her mind isn’t quite the same. You hear stories that apparently it is quite common to be forgetful during the pregnancies but this is supposed to come back.

Unfortunately my wife has developed a slightly different problem; she answers a question without opening her mouth. Let me explain…I could ask her a very simple question like “would you like a cuppa?” Mostly I get a “Yes”, “No”, or “Perhaps later”, but occasionally I get silence. Okay I think, I’ll just make myself one.

5 minutes later there I am sitting watching TV with my cup in hand, when suddenly I get “And where’s mine?”, “But you didn’t answer so I assumed you didn’t want one!”, “I did answer” etc etc. This happens time and time again, she answers a question without opening her mouth, and I am convinced she truly believes she said something.

Anyway at her work the other day, in the staff canteen, she overheard 2 employees talking about what one of them was eating. “Listen, you shouldn’t eat crisps and drink coke, they will make you fat.” Now the lady in question is not fat but has put more than a little extra weight on around the ar5e, and she responded by saying it was her first coke and crisps this year.

My wife thought to herself, “and what about the previous 15 years?”

Well, a deadly hush falls in the canteen and everyone turns to stare at my wife. So we now have an example of the opposite case; she thought something but actually said out loud what she thought.

Is this a common practice? I am alone in this world? Is there a cure? All help and advice is welcome.

It's the kids Al - My missus was just the same, it's because they are so used to ignoring the "Mom, mom?" and speaking their feelings out loud to the kids that this happens.

......... I was treated like one of the kids - she didn't listen - and gave me chores.

The cure should have taken place however - if she is back at work. Ten years my wife was at home, or having coffee and playing badminton with her mates, till I suggested she got a job.

Now she heads up the IT Training and Development side of a NHS Trust

.....and now treats me like one of her staff - doesn't listen - and leaves me a two page action plan on a Friday.

Bigger Al, its that time , Bin her and get a newer model , Mine has been going down the slippery slope to senility for many years  , yes she has given me the best years of her life as she has told me repeatedly , well , if thats so why should I put up with whats left , you don't keep a dog and bark yourself , in this throw away society of ours you wouldn't put up with an appliance if it couldn't do the job it was intended for , no , you would junk it and buy a new one, well , when she starts going loopy , becomes a bit unresponsive , doesn't ring your bell (well not often enough),  well buddy its time.

Get shut , Get out on the Razzle and check whats available and what tickles your fancy er! before you do Al , just how old are you? , can you still pull the chicks ? , can you still do the business? , Hmmm! you may have left it too late , That happened to me too , er! just a moment Al , "yes dear , another cup of tea? , but I just made you one, sorry dear , I didn't hear you , ok I''ll make it now shall I ? " , Sorry Al I've got to go.

Legend has it that a 40 year old can be trade in for two 20 year olds.

But I can't find anything on Ebay........so maybe it's just myth & legend.....

Al,

it's not just you. My missus is very similar in the forgetfullness area.

She doesn't quite insult her colleagues in front of witness's but she may well get there.

I am fortunate enough that my missus doesn't want to/have to work. She happily stays at home does the traditional thing.Kepps house and kids etc.

Only problem with that is when I get home from work/golf she wants to talk to me. Now doesn't sound too bad but you try and fake interest in women talk, it is bloody difficult to do.

Ineveitably I turn on Setanta Golf and suggest she has a night out with her mates, "you go out love, you deserve it, I'll mind the kids, go on off you go".

Thinking about it, maybe she is playing me ?

Sadly, it's not only the women. A year last Christmas I was trying to buy my daughters a new mobile phone each. No Stock World were out of stock as usual, but they did have some in their Harrogate branch.

Fifteen miles later ( and some thirty from home) I am at the branch while the SOLE staff member serves a family of four with a new phone for their twelve year old daughter. The little minx keeps asking inane and b*ll*cks questions about the phone's abiltiy to "dipthong in an overhead manner" etc.

Eventually (20 mins later) a suitable, telephonic device is chosen. Them Mum starts, "I just wondered..." As she admitted later, she wasn't buying but just wondering - SH!TE!! Fifteen minutes later, she stops wondering and the family head towards the door.

I step manfully forward only to hear, "Can I just have a look at?" It was Dad... FOR F^CK'S SAKE" I thought, very vehemently. Mum, Dad, prig 1, prig 2 and the salesman all turned to glare at me. Were they psychic, or did I say it out loud? Guess?

Needless to say they left in a great hurry and a totally p!sssed off salesman served me in record time. Afterwards, I walked slowly towards my illegally parked car and thought RESULT!!

Hack'em

Following on from JimP's comment.....  

A pregnant wife who left her travel bag including two brand new iPods (less than 2 weeks old) on the plane when we flew back from holiday.

Almost as frustrating was the fact she was surprised when they weren't handed in at lost and found..... Dream on poppet, dream on.....