Great comments

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Great comments

From one of the sky team (I think it was David Livingstone)

" All big golf disasters end in a short, tap in putt"

What others have you heard?

Im using a new putter this week as the last one didn't float too well . (Craig Stadler)

"It was only the line and pace that stopped that putt from going in."

This was a mate, to another mate. They know who they are. It still tickles me now!

It was the delivery of the line. Just said with the same tone as if you'd said: "Unlucky, I was sure that was in there!"

The recipient of the jape just carried on: "Aye, ah know."

Then a few seconds later: "Hold on a minute! What do you mean???"

It was that delayed reaction which had me in fits!

Interviewer: What do you need to shoot to win a tournament these days? Stuart Appleby: Tiger Woods [Sports Illustrated: 2000]

'Ernie is very good at plodding along and taking chances when they come up... No one grinds it out like him" - Thomas Bjorn 2004 wonder what Adam Scott thinks 

A friend of mine (no, honest!) was playing in a club comp with the handicap secretary.My (old) 14th is a 190ish par 3, with trees all down the left, and a nursery (plants, not kids) about 50 yds left of the green.This nursery is a big place, and has so many greenhouses, it must be visible from space.Anyhoo, friend hits glorious high hook, and after what seems like an eternity, hears an almighty crash! Being an honest sort, he starts walking over towards the gate, where he is met by a frighteningly-rugged woman."At least you didn't scarper up the hill to the 15th tee!" she said.With a committee member in the group, all was quickly sorted and the round continued.In the bar later, friend was telling the gathered throng about his mishap. One of them asked, "What did she say then?", to which the handicap secretary replied, quick as a flash, "If you weaken your grip a bit, you'll get a bit of fade on it!"

"Still you". Harsh, but fair

Leaving a putt short usually follows with 'Does your husband play?'

Not really a golf quote but as it was Peter Alliss' commentary during a golf comp I'll throw it in because it still makes me laugh. "I saw Carol Vordeman on telly yesterday and got aroused." Stunned silence from the other commentators.  "Yeah, i thought seven letters was pretty good!".

After experimentation and finding that I'm best playing long shots with golf prosthetic and chips with one hand, I found myself (after chunking a 50 yard pitch last week) offering - "yeah, I was in between arms on that one"