GolfMagic spring outing at Montrose

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GolfMagic spring outing at Montrose

This is Jim Niblick reporting on the day after the morning before.

Eager anticipation awaited the competitors arriving at Montrose Royal golf club.  Many had travelled from all over the world.  SimonS had flown in the day before to get acclimatised to the scorching sun and heat.  Others had simply cadged a lift with mate (you know who you are AC) as he couldn't be ars*d driving himself.

The day dawned with glorious sunshine, no rain, little wind it seemed, especially after the lorne sausage, and high expectations.  Everyone was there early to get a few bacon rolls down their throats, lashings of coffee and tea and the banter was flowing.  AC was making his usual excuses, Dick in Shorts wasn't in shorts and the new faces were wondering what the hell they were doing here with a bunch or reprobates let out for the day.

The first tee beckoned and everyone was wondering what shock tactics Dick in Shorts would use to confuse the other players.....we didn't have to wait long as he pulled out a mahoosive WHITE driver.......he was obviously planning to dazzle us all into submission without the clothing colour scheme of previous years.  (NB He did let slip that he had actually rejected his first choice of clothing as apparently the lace knickers kept riding up)

The first group, Ian, Dougie and Martin, (names changed to protect the innocent) all found grass with their drives which was nice and wouldn't last.  Second group, (Jonathan, Joe, Dick and Caroline) were also well away.  Last group, (Colin, Andy, Ken and Simon) brought up the rear.

The golf varied from absolute pants to inspiring.  A typical links course with lumps and bumps, wind, deep faced bunkers, rabbit holes, thick rough, gorse...you name it and it was there.

I managed to follow the last group out because frankly I was playing with that group.  Colin was swinging sweetly, AC was starting to find his range, SimonS was consistent and accurate.  The closest the pin hole was the third and whilst it is a short hole it is quite intimidating.  AC decided to pull a master stroke....he actually placed the ball on the dance floor...that man is a genius!!  Why did no-one else think of doing that....I SAID WHY DID NO-ONE ELSE THINK OF THAT!!  So with his new found confidence AC started to attack the course......usually with his wedge.  His playing partners were trying to hold together their games at this point which was not a pretty sight.  SimonS was first to start worrying AC and the errors started to creep into AC's game.

News coming in from the other groups using the very expensive electronic communications gear at our disposal (shouting to you and me) started to paint a picture that somewhere around the 36, 37 point mark would be thereabouts.  The challenge was on in the last 5 holes.  AC rose to that challenge.  His driving was starting to hit the 250 yard carry mark.....indeed he scored a 2 at a par 4 with an excellent drive onto the green 15 feet from the pin.  He then holed the putt - a 5 point hole.  Another prize in the bag.  Frankly, this was getting tedious and tiresome for the other players in the group but relief was to come in two places.

First AC went for a p on the 13th..automatic 1 stroke penalty for infringing rule 34, sub paragraph 6, section 8.  This was indeed a new rule just thought up on the spot by our rules ref.  Then the longest drive hole.......the 15th.  In the background, quietly and unassuming, SimonS had been collecting points and was probably close to AC.  Pressure was on to deliver, the crowd was hushed, the "quiet please" signs went up all around and AC stepped up to the plate.  Concentration etched on his brow he pulled the trigger. 

A majestic, soaring drive well over 250 yards carry plonked straight into the gorse on the left of the fairway.  AC then had a discussion with the rules ref for this group........"If I take a second ball does that count?"  Ref replies..."Em No."  AC asks for a second ruling from SimonS....."What about it...another chance?"  SimonS thought for 0.000002 secs and said "F*ck no."  A man of few words but always succinct and straight to the point. The last three holes brought differing experiences for the last group but whoi would win out in the end? Back in the clubhouse and Colin was concentrating hard in checking and double checking the scores.  It was close, very close and money did change hands at one point.  So third place was Dick in Shorts, on 35 points, second was SimonS on 36 and the winner with 37 points was AC.  Closest to the pin was also AC whilst Ian hit the longest drive.  A life time achievement award was given to Caroline Denning (Mrs Dick in Shorts) for attending most, if not all Golf Magic outings, and putting up with Dick and being the only lady member of the happy band....well done Caroline.  Final prize was for last place.........a bottle of fine single malt whisky having been removed from it's container and presented to J.........     So not Colin!  I reported last year at Edzell that if Carlsberg did golf outings than this would be it but at Montrose this year it was definitely a feeling of deja vu.  Some stunning weather, some very good company, some magnificent golf, good food and plenty of banter and craic.  If anyone missed this years outing get involved in the next one - you will throughly enjoy it.  Finally a very big thank you to Colin Lamont for organising the outing and for the brand new set of Mizuno's I bought on his credit card at the pro shop. Away to finish off my fish that I ordered for the meal.......roll on the next outing.

Dick in Shorts(13.3) wrote (see)

Another fantastic GM Scottish Jolly Boys outing - and many - ahem - congratulations to a very (un)worthy winner of most of the prizes

I'm not keen on arbitrary,  unofficial handicap reductions for past winners, but here is a draft new rule for consideration: Rule 14-7: Failure to wear sombreroThe winner of the previous outing must wear his sombrero (on his head) whilst making a stroke anywhere on the course. Penalty for breach of Rule 14-7:2 Stableford points for each hole at which a breach occurred; maximum penalty per round - 6 points. That should fix him  A big thanks to Ken, our offishul correspondent, for his entertaining bulletins.

So if said previous winner should blob a hole and throw is headwear off in disgust he would end up with negative poinmts on that hole Hmmmm - yes i like that idea

Big thanks to Colin for organising another great day! Also thanks to Ken for his editorial pieces pre and post meet. Not quite the clean sweep I hoped for but 3 out of a possible 4 prizes wasn't a bad haul (Ken failed to mention that the 2 for 5 points was the only 2 of the day - meaning yours truly took the 2's pot too)! Now as some of you will know I'm a fairly sombre gent in terms of gregarious outfits and the like, preferring to leave to other more ostentatious members of the group - mentioning no names... So there is little chance of you getting me to wear a sombre for even a lone solitary shot! Lets not turn this into another one of those rules threads (I know how much DIS & Niblick enjoy them!) For a limited time my username will reflect my alleged banditry (all of 1 shot under handicap!)

Dick in Shorts(13.3) wrote (see)
and many - ahem - congratulations to a very (un)worthy winner of most of the prizes

^ I bet that hurt, writing those words, Richard. Special thanks to Zombie for the chauffeur service. Roll on Rosemount (and all those tight, tree-lined fairways!) Thanks again to all involved for making it a great day out.

AC - sounds as if you're already minus 6 points for the next SJB outing

It's about the only way you'll manage to win the trophy off me DIS! I can only just see the third place podium from the lofty heights of first place, what's it like down there...? And as an FYI, as the founding member of the SJBs (albeit a borrowed name from our Southern brethren) that particular 'rule' (and I use the term in the loosest sense of the word) will not be valid / enforced at any future meets, none of this committee nonsense this is a dictatorship! *cough* sore loser *cough*!

Bandit  i think you'll find that Niblick introduced the rule - and he is chairman of the organisers of Scottish  meets - Jolly Boys or not

I have formulated a cunning plan, more cunning than the cunningest dreamed up by Baldric or even Professor Fox, Professor of Cunning at Oxford University, to knock young Andy off the podium next time. Who needs to  resort to trumped up rules?  The plan has such an appealing  simplicity,   an element of sheer poetry about it, an elegance to be marvelled at.  Someone, preferably me, will  just have to play better. But as to  yesterday,  it is big congratulations to Andy and back to the range for me.

@ DIS - Nae chance pal. That rule doesn't exist as far as the (not so) SJBs are concerned, case closed. In fact I'm thinking of introducing a new rule banning outrageous clothing from all future meets... @Niblick - Thanks again for organising and agree with your cunning plan (the sunshines on a dogs ass sometimes, it just happened to be mine yesterday!)

Is that the banning of the clothing or the stripping off of the clothing on the day itself..? I think a sub committee of AC and myself should adjudicate the said ruling...

Stripping off might be a bit strong for it, but wasn't it marvellous to get down to shirtleeves in the warm sunshine?  First time for me this year.   By the way, my sombrero rule was just a joke.

Damn..if only the H2H was still running we'd up there with the rest of those nice people......

@ Ken - I second that motion, vote passed! Although I don't fancy a round of 'strip golf' with the usual suspects! @Niblick - I thought so Colin, I look a right mug in that sombrero! Just a bit of 'friendly' banter between myself and DIS (par for the course you might say - sorry!) And agree with the playing in short sleeves, we'll remember that day when we're back to numerous layers in the coming weeks/months!

Ken Mavor (13.0) wrote (see)

if only the H2H was still running

Dear God no...

Thanks again to Colin for organising not only the golf but the weather gods too. It was another wonderful days golf on a course that was in surprisingly good condition for the time of year. I'd like to say that the 3 footer that i missed on the 18th was a deliberate ploy to avoid winning (on count back) for the second time in sucession thus afording Andy the 'Bandit' moniker for the coming months. (I did score 43 points round Pitreavie this morning though!)

Ken, Your link to the pics is not working for me. 

Clicketh here for photos

or copy and paste it - that worked for me

.......SimonS..that was a test......failure to progress means 2 point deduction at next outing.  Damn sure I'm gonna win one of these Golf Magic outings.

Careful Ken, you're beginning to sound like Richard...