Scottish Spring golf outing at Montrose, 11th March.

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Scottish Spring golf outing at Montrose, 11th March.

So battle lines are drawn. 

Sky, BBC and BBC Alba have negotiated the TV rights to the most hotly anticipated golf match since Ronnie Corbett played Bruce Forsyth 24 years ago.  In agreement with the three TV companies Sky will cover the coffee and bacon rolls in the morning, the BBC (channel BBC -8) will be there too early to cover anything and BBC Alba couldn't give a monkeys as no-one speaks Gaelic.  So it will be left to your intrepid roving reporter, Jim Niblick, to provide a blow by blow account of the day.

There are many unanswered questions from last years competition....Is Dick in Shorts actually coloured blind or does he always dress like that?  Will Mrs Dick in Shorts win the long drive hole?  Will anyone try and chat up the waitress as last year....BIG crash and burn.  Who actually is the biggest bandit?  Does anyone really care?

Montrose is just a buzz with rumours, innuendo and general apathy.  The links committee are unconcerned that the temporary grandstand at the 18th is actually facing the wrong way but they are happy that everything else is in place for the day itself.  Celebrating it's 450th year the Montrose links trust secretary was asked if he could think of any better way to celebrate he replied,  "Frankly, yes".  So there you have it.  First group is off at 10.44am with others to follow.

Watch this space for up to date reports, pictures, bad rulings from the refs, general malarlky and fashion reports on Dick in Shorts attire.  You know you don't want to miss a thing.


Ken - as it's such an auspicious way to kick off Montrose Links 450th celebrations and you've got three television companies involved - have you managed to arrange appearance fees for the star players? See you Sunday

Dick, The winner will be feted through the coastal village of Auchinshoogl which is a hot bed of golf knowledge and experience.  He (or she) will be paraded on the villages open top bike down the main street (no mean achievement as the main street runs from the top of the village at a 45 degree angle straight down to the harbour side) and then will meet the local dignataries - Alfie the local dog walker and his dachshund, Smartie.  Afterwards a poke of chips and an Irn Bru await at the local bus shelter. Nothing but the best.  The three TV companies sponsorship has been so good that the total cost will only be £46 for the winner which I think you will agree is very good value.

Brilliant Ken!

For the sake of my chances of winning the sombrero, I hope your golf isn't as sharp as your wit, Ken.

Hope your North of the Border meet goes really well and you all enjoy yourselves.

The dawn of the day of the mullah in Montrose. This is JIm Niblick reporting. It's Sunday, 11th March, 7.54am.  The weather is just unbelievable.  Blue sky, sunny and 12.5 degrees.  Either I'm still asleep and dreaming or I've woken up in another country.  I have 6 possible outfits for today and none of them will work in this sweltering heat.  I think this will play havoc with the players.  Suspect everyone will struggle with the conditions...looks like it will be sunny, warm, no wind, no rain, no snow...scores will probably rocket. More to follow.....

Early news from the course...... The Montrose links greenkeeper has been continually watering the course from 5am this morning to ensure at least some standing water on the course and some flooded bunkers.  Also considering hiring three massive wind fans to follow each group to give at least a 25mph wind at all times.  This will ensure better and more playable conditions I am informed. Rumours abound as well that one competitor has been seen at Mabe's nail and leg bar down at Montrose harbour.  Is this a precursor to shorts?  If it is it is an automatic 2 stroke penalty unless it's Dick in Shorts which is Ok.

Latest from Montrose.... A mahoosive yellow ball has been sighted in the someone out practising already with a yellow AD333?  Two jets from nearby Leuchars have been scrambled to check it out.

I'm bumping this so Ken doesn't have to mess about searching for it. Keep it coming Ken. Quality posting!!!!  And what keeps me here.

Aye, when will results be in, or are hangovers still to strong? You certtainly got a belting day for it, temps hitting 18°+ in Aberdeenshire

@Crazyface........"searching" there's a very apt word for the Golf Magic spring outing.  I'm afraid I will have to start a new thread for the latest report frm Jim Niblick.