18 of the most ANNOYING golf phrases of all time | Roberts Rants

18 of the most annoying golf phrases that totally do our Editor's head in... 

Andy Roberts's picture
Thu, 24 Aug 2023
18 of the most ANNOYING golf phrases of all time | Roberts Rants

Golf phrases. There are hundreds of them if you have played or watched golf for long enough. Some I can totally run with, but others need to be taken out with the trash. 

Rory McIlroy this week revealed his biggest pet peeve with golf fans on the PGA Tour, so for my latest Roberts Rants I thought what better time to come up with my own pet peeves when it comes to phrases heard on the golf course! I've got 18 of them in fact...

Do you agree with my chosen phrases? 

Scroll through my list below and then share your thoughts and comments over on the GolfMagic social media channels. 

Let's dive in, starting with a classic... 

"NEVER UP, NEVER IN"

I mean, you just don't need this sort of negativity in your life to be honest. 

We can all see another Shredded Wheat was required. Just keep it to yourself next time. 

"I PUTT BETTER ON FASTER GREENS"

Or perhaps you're just s*** at putting mate! 

"YOU DON'T TAKE THE PUTTER HEAD STRAIGHT BACK AND THROUGH, DO YOU?"

Sorry, did I ask for your opinion?

Any comment about a playing partner's golf swing or putting stroke, especially when it's a poor result, is enough to send you straight to the 19th for a stiff one. 

And quite frankly, never play with that said person again. 

"MEDAL IS A PROPER FORMAT. I NEVER PLAY WELL IN STABLEFORD. I LEAVE THAT FOR THE HACKERS"

Alright Tiger Woods, calm down... 

"I'M NOT USUALLY THIS BAD"

Okay, if you say so mate...

"CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING... DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE AIMING OVER THERE?"

Thanks. Did you know standing behind me to watch is really f****** annoying as well?

"I DEFINITELY SAW IT BOUNCE"

You know back on the tee when I said 'shall I hit a provisional?' 

"YOU'LL NEED TO HIT THAT AGAIN" (WHILE YOU'RE ALREADY WALKING BACK TO YOUR BAG TO FIND ANOTHER BALL)

These are already dark times on the tee box without the added commentary. 

No comment was needed thanks. 

"I DON'T GO THAT FAR ON MY HOLIDAYS"

You live 340 yards away from Butlin's do ya?!

"CAN YOU REMEMBER WHAT I MADE ON THE 12TH?" (AS YOU STAND ON THE 18TH TEE AND YOUR MATE LOOKS AT HIS CARD) 

We all know someone with a magic pencil... 

"YOU KNOW, IF HE PRACTISED A BIT MORE I THINK HE COULD PROBABLY MAKE THE PGA TOUR IN A COUPLE OF YEARS"

Yes, and every PGA Tour pro played off an 8-handicap at the age of 35. Do me a favour! 

"IT'S STILL YOU"

Yes, I f****** know! 

"BITE! BITE! BIIIIIIIIIIIIITE!"

The golf ball literally cannot hear you pal.

It's too late now. 

"DRIVE FOR SHOW, PUTT FOR DOUGH"

One of the most overused golf phrases of all time, and without question one of the most ridiculous, too. 

If you're missing fairways and hacking it out of bushes all day, you will not be making any dough no matter how hot the putter gets! 

"HE HIT A GREAT PUTT THERE" (BUT THE BALL NEVER HITS THE CUP FROM 10 FEET) 

Typically one you'll hear from Dame Laura Davies in the Sky Sports Golf comms box.

I mean come on Dame, it was a s*** putt! 

"GOOD ROLL" 

How? I literally left it a foot short...

[KNOCKS BALL OFF TEE]... "ONE!"

Enough now, come on. 

"TREES ARE 90% AIR" 

Seriously, who the actual f*** came up with this percentage?!

It's total BS I swear. At least when I play... 

Which golf phrase annoys you most? Is it one of the above or something different? Share your thoughts and comments over on the GolfMagic social media channels. 

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